How to Set Healthy Boundaries in School, Work, Life, and Relationships

Boundaries. At first, that word can be intimidating, but boundaries aren’t in any way negative — they are quite necessary. Boundaries are required for healthy relationships, school-work-life balance, and a healthy you. This is contrary to what many of us have been taught: that to have successful relationships or careers — both professional and academic — you can no longer be a priority. Setting boundaries isn’t a selfish act, but it might be challenging to identify areas where you might need to establish some. We’re here to help! This is your guide to setting boundaries in school, at work, and within relationships.

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are invisible lines, rules, or limits you set in place with your priorities and comfort in mind. They can be as simple as saying the word “no” or not answering the phone past a certain time.

There are several types of boundaries. You may need to establish some of them verbally, while others may require changes in behavior. Here are a few to consider:

Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries are rules that are intended to protect your physical body or ensure that you meet your own physical needs. Examples include:

• Asking others to give you personal space
• Communicating with others about which greetings you are most comfortable with — a hug, kiss, a handshake, etc.
• Communicating how others should interact with your items and belongings
• Making time in your schedule to eat or maintain your hygiene
• Designating a time to rest

Time Boundaries 

Time boundaries are rules that govern how you spend your time. These boundaries can be great for helping you maintain a balance between your obligations and your personal life. Here are some examples:

• Reserving time to work, as well as time to spend time with your loved ones
• Not going out past a certain time
• Establishing a bedtime and sticking to it

Emotional Boundaries

Emotional boundaries are put in place to safeguard your emotional well-being and mental health. Examples include:

• Avoiding conversations or media that may contain triggering subjects
• Refraining from discussing certain subjects with specific individuals
• Communicating times when you are feeling overwhelmed, sad, or anxious

How to Set and Maintain Boundaries 

Now that we understand some types of boundaries, let's talk about how you can put them into practice. 

Understand Who You Are

Understanding your limits is the first step in figuring out what boundaries work best for you.

Sha’Tina Scott, a student at USF St. Petersburg and a career peer in the Office of Career Services, juggles various on-campus obligations alongside her course load and interpersonal relationships. “You can follow like a guidebook,” she said. “We can give you advice, but at the end of the day, you have to know who you are.”

Reflect on what matters most to you: What are your values? What are your long-term or short-term goals? What do you want out of your life?

Figure out what boundaries to set by listening to yourself.

Your emotions are like windows. They aren’t random. They are usually indicators of your desires, your likes and dislikes, and who you are as a person overall. 

Take note of how your body responds to various circumstances, dig a little deeper, and explore the emotions you experience— especially the ones that make you uncomfortable. 

Steven Duverge, a junior career peer in the Office of Career Services, knows himself to be a patient person. “Whenever I find my patience running thin — like something that typically wouldn't bother me does bother me — that, to me, is generally an indicator of a larger issue I have and that I probably have a little bit too much on my plate,” Duverge says.

Duverge recognizes that, for him, impatience is a secondary emotion when he is experiencing stress. Following that conclusion, he considers setting boundaries to aid his work-life balance.

Your feelings should inform the boundaries you introduce into your life.

Setting Boundaries

Once you understand where you require boundaries, it’s time to start implementing them. Again, setting boundaries can take a lot of courage, so start small to avoid overwhelming yourself. Begin by:

• Saying the word “no” more often
• Creating boundaries with yourself. For example, decide to only browse social media for 30 minutes a day, or avoid drinking sugary drinks after a specific time. Choose things that allow you to hold yourself accountable

Uphold Your Boundaries 

To avoid having your boundaries crossed, once you set them, you must continuously enforce them. While boundaries are prone to change, for your well-being, try your best to preserve them. That includes showing your boundaries the same respect that they demand from others.

Here are some ways you can uphold your boundaries.

• Create consequences for those who cross your boundaries
• Remind others — including yourself — of your boundaries
• Don’t over-explain your boundaries

Reach Out for Support

Setting and maintaining your boundaries takes work, and it might not always feel the best. However, in the long run, it’ll be worth it. Boundaries not only improve your wellbeing; they strengthen your interpersonal relationships and prevent burnout.

As you navigate the areas of your life that may require boundaries, ask for support. Reach out to your school’s counseling center for qualified help. USF students can talk through their concerns with a licensed professional in our Counseling Center.