How to Teach Executive Function Skills to Teens: A Guide for Parents and School Counselors

Do you get to work on time? Pay attention in meetings? Keep your house clean(ish)? Stay calm when your nosy neighbor drops by?

If so, you can thank your executive functioning (EF). It’s like “the manager in your brain,” explains Cindy Topdemir, Program Area Coordinator of the Counselor Education Program at the University of South Florida, a certified school counselor, and a licensed mental health counselor.

But for many teens, this manager is unable to properly do their job. That’s partly thanks to our digital world: Constant technology “makes it harder for our kids to pay attention for longer periods, delay gratification, [and] tolerate frustration with things,” says Topdemir. Plus, the pandemic interrupted key developmental experiences that grow EF skills.

There’s good news, though: We’re “getting better at identifying these needs in kids,” Topdemir says.

Even better news? Executive functioning can be taught like any other skill.

Let’s dive into how parents and school counselors can teach executive function skills to teens.

Talk to Your Student About Executive Functioning  

Help your teen understand how their brain works and why they shouldn’t blame themselves when they struggle.

Explain Executive Function Skills

Executive function skills “help us manage ourselves so that we can accomplish goals,” says Alycia Bobak, Assistant Director of Academics for USF’s Eileen Hoffman Hafer UMatter Program. According to Brown University, there are eight executive function skills:

• Initiation (getting started on a task)
• Inhibition (being able to refrain from or stop doing something)
• Flexibility (in thinking; in moving between tasks)
• Emotional control
• Working memory
• Organization
• Planning
• Self-monitoring

Emphasize that none of us are born with these skills. We learn them, just like we learn how to drive a car. Reassure your teen that their brain is still developing, so they have plenty of time to practice: executive function skills aren’t solidified until age 25.

Dispel Myths  

Make sure your teen understands that EF is not related to intelligence, as Laurie Chaikind McNulty explains in Focus and Thrive: Executive Functioning Strategies for Teens. “You can be extremely smart and have room to grow in this domain,” she tells readers. “Strengthening your EF is like building a muscle. The more you train, the stronger you’ll get.”

Your teen should also realize that their struggles don’t stem from a personal failing, regardless of how certain adults may mistakenly perceive them. “I think a lot of people will look at kids, and they'll think, ‘Oh, they didn't do their homework because they're lazy,’” says Emily Behnke, a special education teacher in Connecticut with an M.A. in educational psychology. “It's not a motivation issue. It's not a choice that they're making. It's that they don't have that skill.”

Acknowledge their hard work, provide positive reinforcement whenever you can, and reinforce that you can build skills together.

Explicitly Teach Executive Function Skills in Class 

As a school counselor, try to explicitly teach EF. “It’s really beneficial when school counselors are going into the classrooms and teaching lessons on emotional regulation or executive functioning skills,” says Topdemir.

For example, you can try this exercise from an ADDitude webinar on teaching executive function skills in the classroom:

1. Create a poster for each EF skill and hang the posters on the classroom wall.

2. Ask students to stand near the poster that represents one of their EF strengths (like time management).
3. On the poster, students can write what tools helped them master this skill.
4. Next, ask students to stand by a poster that represents something they can improve (like organization) and choose one of their peers' suggested tools to try.

Teach Your Student How to Communicate Their Needs

Neurodivergent teens and those who struggle with EF are more likely “to have a lot of negative interactions” with authority figures and peers, says Behnke. “They're less likely to talk about what's wrong and strategize. It makes them more likely to run away from whatever the problem is.”

But most behavioral issues stem from communication issues, Behnke says.

Have a Conversation  

Wait until the student is in a calm, emotionally regulated state, then ask something like, “I notice you get really upset when you do math homework. What's making you upset, and what would make you less upset?”

Enter the conversation with curiosity, not judgement. Teens respond well to this because it doesn’t make them feel like they’re in trouble.

Problem Solve Together  

Teens know more than you think, Behnke says. Ask them what’s worked for them in the past and what they think could help them now. This teaches self-advocacy. “In a perfect world, kids grow to be able to control their own educational experiences,” Behnke says. “If you're teaching them that … [they] can voice what [they] need and the adults around [them] will listen, that's an indispensable skill set.”

Try problem-solving together. Topdermir suggests:

1. Come up with a list of possible solutions.

2. Have your teen pick one or two to try.
3. Set a reasonable goal.
4. Agree on a future time to discuss how it worked.
5. Repeat if necessary.

Let Your Teen Take the Lead  

If your teen has a suggestion that you’re not sure will work, let them try it out (as long as it’s not harmful). “I think most people who work in this field know that sometimes there's no evidence basis for why something works, and it just does, for that kid,” says Behnke.

Create an Accessible Learning Space  

Many students need a movement-friendly, distraction-free space to learn.

Creating a Learning-Friendly Space at Home  

Reduce distractions: Set up a quiet study space for your teen or equip them with noise-cancelling headphones and earplugs. Build in frequent breaks and encourage movement, like marching in place while reading. (For many neurodivergent teens, movement is literally how they learn.)

Creating Accessible Classrooms at School  

As a counselor, encourage your school to equip classrooms with exercise bikes, noise canceling headphones, fidgets, standing desks, and wobble chairs. (Grants can help cover the cost, according to this webinar.) Teachers can offer these gadgets to any student who wants to try, which reduces stigma for those who truly need them.

Preparing Students for College  

College-bound students must also prepare for a world where three-hour lectures are the norm and there’s not a wobble chair in sight, Bobak says. You can help them develop more subtle tools to cope:

• Fidgets like bendy sticks can be carried unobtrusively in a pocket.

• Different kinds of notetaking (including doodles!) can help students stay focused during a long class.
• “Using the bathroom” can be a valid excuse to step out for a minute. It doesn’t always have to mean you’re literally using the bathroom, Bobak reminds her students.

Be Your Student’s Advocate  

Neurodivergent kids are “the most vulnerable to not being heard and being treated very poorly,” Behnke says. “[T]hey're more likely to get in trouble.” Standing up for them is one of the best ways you can help.

Advocating As a Parent

Bobak’s parents are a great example of how to advocate. Today, Bobak holds a PhD. But in high school, she felt “like a failure.” One school counselor even told her she wasn’t cut out for college, despite Bobak’s desire to attend. To complicate matters, she scored well on school assessments, which meant she didn’t qualify for classroom support.

Bobak’s parents got her independently tested. She was diagnosed with ADD and dyslexia, which gave her access to school accommodation. They also enrolled her in EF-boosting extracurriculars like music, took her to dual-enrollment college classes to challenge her inquisitive mind, and encouraged her to join a girl’s support group.

“I can't thank my parents enough for looking for alternative paths,” Bobak says. “They never told me I couldn't do something.”

Advocating As a Counselor

“For most kids, executive functioning is a set of skills that you can build on and learn,” Behnke says. But some students with learning disabilities or neurodivergences will need more remediation and accommodations.

Teach school staff the language and importance of EF, and advocate for more mental health resources and accessibility in classrooms. In parent-student meetings, approach conversations about neurodiversity from a strengths-based perspective. After all, being neurodivergent is just that: A brain structure that diverges from the typical one but has its own unique strengths.

“When explaining ADHD to a child, I say, ‘You have a turbo charged mind – like a Ferrari engine, but the brakes of a bicycle, and I’m the brake expert,’” explains ADHD expert Edward Hallowell. “When ADHD is properly treated, the person can achieve great heights: doctors, lawyers, CEO’s, dreamers, innovators, explorers and even Harvard grads … The flip-side of distractibility is curiosity.”

Develop Study Skills

Accomplishing a big task — like writing an essay or studying for an exam – is overwhelming for any teen, but for those with EF needs, it can be paralyzing. Here’s how you can foster good study habits and address roadblocks.

Break Down Big Tasks

Show your student how to break down big tasks. Writing an essay becomes brainstorming, choosing a topic, writing the thesis statement, researching, outlining, drafting, revising, editing. You can even break these steps into smaller parts: Brainstorm 2-3 topics today and 2-3 topics tomorrow. Outline the first paragraph. Edit the conclusion.

“If you can break something up into a baby-step chunk, it feels a lot easier,” Bobak says. “That reduces cognitive load.”

Plan Ahead 

Coach your student to spread out study time so it doesn’t pile up. In Focus and Thrive, McNulty advises, “Add a few nights at the end of each unit to review your materials throughout the semester. Then, three to four weeks before [an] exam, study for a few hours to at least two days per week. Ramp it up the rest of the week, spending time each night reviewing the material.”

Overcome Task-Initiation Anxiety  

If your student gets “task-initiation” anxiety from staring at a blank screen, suggest they free-write their thoughts. "Whatever you're consciously thinking in your head, just put it down on paper,” Bobak tells her students. Dictation or audio notes can also help.

Your student might also be procrastinating because they can’t tell how difficult a task will be. Help them stop spiraling by using “success rating scales” outlined here.

Find Techniques that Work  

If your student has trouble with working memory, offer different learning tools like mnemonic devices, flashcards, flowcharts, mind palaces, mind mapping, visualizations, etc. Let them try each tool for a couple weeks and pick their favorites.

Aim for Deeper Learning  

Encourage students to go beyond memorization and practice teaching others — parents, siblings, the family dog — what they’ve learned. “According to research, the highest level of learning occurs when you can teach the information to someone else,” says Topdemir.

Develop Time Awareness and Time Management 

If your student is chronically missing deadlines or showing up late to class, they might have “time blindness.” This isn’t a physical condition, but a way to describe how, for some people, time just slips away.

Create a Schedule  

Ask your teen to create a schedule for their day, setting aside blocks of time for each activity. This helps them plan ahead and reflect on where all their time has been disappearing.

Backwards Plan  

Backwards planning is key, Bobak says. Students can write down everything they need to do before a certain time (leave for class by 9 a.m.!) or deadline (submit essay by Monday!) and estimate how long each step of the task will take. Then they can use checklists, digital calendars, and paper planners to schedule each step.

Factor in Breaks

“When I'm working with students, I also ask them, ‘How long do you think you can sit before you need a break?” Bobak says. “It's okay if that's 20 minutes. It's okay if it's 10, but just be very real and honest with yourself … If you make a big list and you want to get everything done, then we have to calculate appropriately.”

Practice a Routine  

An established routine frees up space in your teen’s overworked brain and encourages them to make time for healthy choices, like getting enough sleep.

Getting Out the Door  

“When you get to college, no one’s there to help you with a morning routine,” Bobak points out. Middle and high school is the perfect time to practice.

Checklists can ensure students don’t forget what they need before rushing out the door. (Even simple steps, like brush teeth, should be added to a checklist so teens have a realistic idea of how much time everything will take.)

Starting Homework  

Students benefit from starting their homework at the same time each day. Otherwise, they might procrastinate. “A kid who is waiting for inspiration to strike will still be forced to start his homework eventually, but it will probably be at 11 o’clock,” explains a neurologist in this Child Mind article.

Setting a Schedule on Weekends

New college students often sit around in their dorm because they never learned how to fill free time, Bobak says. Teens should start practicing now: Suggest they make a healthy routine on their days off that includes time for exercising, eating meals, getting outside, socializing, studying, etc.  

Foster Organizational Skills  

If your student is constantly losing items in the chaos of their room or desk, it’s time to tackle organizational skills.

Organizing Spaces at Home

At home, students can make organizing their space a weekly habit. Break up their space into sections (bed, desk, etc.) so it’s less overwhelming to tackle everything at once, McNulty advises. Set a timer for 15 minutes and encourage them to get as much done as possible before it rings. And turn on some inspirational music!

Organizing Spaces at School

As a counselor, you can advocate for weekly “backpack and binder checks.” Educators can show students an example of a well-organized backpack/binder, then have students pair up to help each other get organized in a five-minute session at the end of class, says Topdemir.

Encourage Self-Monitoring

Self-monitoring is the skill we use to check in with ourselves, but many teens don’t know how to do this yet. This makes it harder for them to track their outward progress or assess their internal world.

Questions to Ask Themselves

Students can ask themselves check-in questions like these:

• Do I have the materials I need in front of me?

• Am I focused on the lesson?
• Am I on the right page in my book?
• After completing an assignment, have I double checked my work?
• Have I looked up my current grades recently?

Body Awareness

Self-monitoring can also help students become more aware of their internal world. “I'll have kids do what's called a body scan,” says Topdemir. If they start to feel upset, they can pay attention to how their body feels: “My hands are clenching right now.” Then they can use one of their preferred emotional regulation skills.

Teach Emotional Regulation Skills

All teens have big emotions, but students with executive function needs can have even greater difficulty managing their feelings.

Name Emotions

Teach teens the importance of naming how they feel, and model it in your own interactions with them.

“Sometimes you can see that they're mad or frustrated, but they don't necessarily know how to name it yet,” Bobak says.

When they express their feelings to you, listen and validate, even if you don’t fully understand the perspective. “Just because an emotion is irrational does not make it any less real and does not make it wrong,” explains this CHADD article.

Offer Coping Strategies

When your teen is upset, suggest two to three of their preferred coping strategies. For example:

• Journaling

• Listening to calm music
• Giving themselves breaks
• Going outside for five minutes
• Box breathing
• Positive self-talk

You can find more in-depth exercises in our articles about dealing with social anxiety and mental health tips.

Foster Resilience

Teach students “The Power of Yet,” Topdemir says. If a student says, “I can't do this,” remind them to add the word yet: “I can't do this yet.”

Then encourage them to reframe their thinking: What can you do to help you accomplish this hard thing? “Maybe I can't do this algebra problem yet, but if I study hard and work with my math tutor, I'll be able to.”

Try Mindfulness

For many teens, mindfulness and meditation can help them regulate their emotions and stop impulsive behaviors. It teaches students “to pause before they react,” Topdemir explains, and gives them that “minute to stop and think, ‘What I should be doing next?’”

Consider Therapy

Taking your teen to therapy doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them. It’s simply a way for them to develop strong social-emotional skills, practice healthier thinking, and grow their resilience.

Some therapies can be particularly helpful for teens with executive function needs. You can ask your student’s school counselor or pediatrician whether they might benefit from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

Build a Support Network

Parents, talk to your pediatrician and school counselor about how to help your student thrive. They can refer you to resources like:

• Support groups

• Medical professionals
• Therapists
• School accommodations
• Evaluations from developmental specialists

Our Admit-a-Bull team also offers comprehensive articles on student success, including mental health tips and life skills. We’d love to support you on your journey!